When I was little
I decided
it was not safe
to be me
so I hid.
I hid the cry
of my confusion
just behind my twinkling eyes.
I hid the shake
of my uncertain
deep below my growing thighs
to a place
no one could tell
just what it was I truly
felt.
I was clever!
I was magic!
I used anything it took
to forget what I was feeling -
I used every trick and hook.
I used food
I used the screen
Mickey Mouse, Beyoncé... Jeez!
All my life the USA
filled me with it's shiny dreams
I used my flesh
bone-chilled
beneath the bodies of brown boys,
I used the suck of burning
grass to the highest and the low.
Then I used liquor sweet and bitter
every day into the next:
it worked so well I came to like the numb of wine so much
the best!
Till some thing happened...
... the forgetting
went beyond my childhood pain.
After a lifetime of forgetting
I forgot how I was made.
I forgot
the things I liked,
I forgot
the things I wanted,
I forgot the little girl
who'd made a plan for my survival
I forgot
Me.
For I had begun to be
whomever
others wished
to see...
Until one day
I heard a voice
from somewhere old
from somewhere deep.
A tiny voice
which whispered sweetly
"Don't forget.
Re-member Me.
In your joy and in your tears
in your comfort; your despair
when you've fallen on your knees
don't forget that I am Here.
See
I am the one who watches
See
I am the one who sings
See
I am the one who powers
your desires; EVERY need
It is I who shall break free
the tallest truths you dare not speak.
It is I who shall make real
the fearless hopes you dare not dream.
And I ask; now that you hear me
And I ask; now that you've seen
that you hold me in your heart...
That you make
a space for me."
- The One Who Sings
photo by Antonia Steyn